best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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