I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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