Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
