You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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