My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
