Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Randomize
