I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Even my vagina gasped.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
