I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
