you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
