I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
