"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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