i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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