two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
