i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
