I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
