Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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