I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
