so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
