Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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