Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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