My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
