I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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