i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
