the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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