who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
