i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't deserve a penis
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
