my vag is so smooth its legendary
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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