It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
