I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
