imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
