tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
