Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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