I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
