So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
