I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
