i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize