That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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