Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
