Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
