wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
