How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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