Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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