I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
