right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
