lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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