Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
