i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
