oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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