I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
