I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
