Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize