After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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