i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
