Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
