Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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