I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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