i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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