think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize