Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
