I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
