I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
