i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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