So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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