At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
