So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
