This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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