Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
