i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
