You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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