and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
