Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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