As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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