i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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