I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
