Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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