Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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