I wish my penis had an off switch
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I am spending my child support on dildos
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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