I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
