god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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