I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am available for nakedness
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
