She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
