Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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