my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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