I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
