Four minutes until I can fart!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
