I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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