I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
