While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
