Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
