vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
